I Am Coming Back

Finding Myself

It’s taken me a year to lose and then figure out who I am, again.

I stopped doing a lot of things that made me, me. Slowly I have been returning to who I was and becoming even stronger. My love for writing has returned and liberating it has been. Little by little, I am opening up and sharing my story, again.

I have been praying and asking for direction for my blog. It’s going to be different, but in a good way.

I am coming back.

What Success is: Maya Angelou Quote | Maya angelou quotes, Inspirational  words, Words quotes

Thank you for the support and patience. It really means a lot to me.

Instagram: @StephanieAnn_._

A Slip In My Step

I begin moving forward, in your ways. With every step that I take there is a slip. I stumble, I just want to let myself fall. But there is a whisper in my ear telling me I am stronger. I regain my balance and continue forward. People close to me, being used to hurt me and get me to stumble all over again. I have been here before, my mind shows me. I have experience, I know what it looks like; when I am being distracted, when I’m being tempted to fall back into that lonely cave of anger, of isolation. “I won’t do it. I will not shrink back. I will not be intimidated!” I exclaim at my enemy. I dust myself off, forgiveness I make my heart release. It’s not for them, it’s for me. I am set free. I take a look around me, and I just keep forward. I am not alone, He is there.

Written by: Stephanie A. H.

Inspired by recent events.

Life As We See It

“Life as we see it. They say that believing is seeing, but what we cannot see are the things beneath.
We walk around, with smile on our faces pretending that everything is all right. We fool those around us, but yet deep inside we know the truth. There’s someone who knows what no one else can see. The only One who cannot be fooled.

I stare at you and wonder many things. How can you let it go on? You fooled me once, you’ve fooled me twice. This time around I will not be fooled. Maybe I didn’t want to see what’s been there in front of me. I don’t know how to deal with what I dread. I hate seeing those I love sick. Sickness is a curse that I wish never existed.

I ask myself, “when will this end?” For it’s desperation that I feel within. Trips like these are never fun. I spent too much time in these hospital walls. It’s this very place I last seen my mom, those years ago.

Stop letting this happen, stop putting me through this. For life as we see it, is coming to an end. I hold on to the hope that things will get better. For I have no other choice than to believe that He will turn it around for good and all this will end. I say I have no choice, because believing is better than dying in fear, in anxiety.

So life as we see it will end. For a brand new day will come to us, who’ve waited.”- …Heart Of Grace

Sitting here in the hospital now, I don’t know how I feel. I have dealt with the loss of my mother. I lost her to a sickness’ named diabetes, cancer and stroke. I didn’t have much of a grieving period, for I was strengthened by God during that time. But I found myself crying out for my mom yesterday morning. I woke up from a dream where I was in DESPERATE need to talk to her. I’m reflecting back and realizing it’s because before she died I was angry at her. I wasn’t talking to her and before she died, she had called me, but I didn’t answer. God knows how much I regreted that. I remember thinking maybe if I would have answered her call she would still be here or that I was being taught a lesson. God doesn’t work like that.

Only God knows how I wish I could turn back time, to change how I was with my mom. I wish I had time to tell her I loved her.

I guess being here in the hospital, again with my husband and seeing him go through all this makes me hate this place and what sickness does to a person.

I don’t know how to deal with it, being a wife who has a husband with health problems, this is new to me. It’s easier for me to be angry, than sympathetic. I just hate it.

It’s a journey I’m on, but alone I’m not. God has promised to be with me and help me through it. He doesn’t cause this. Sickness isn’t from him.

I rather believe that things will get better and have peace, than to fear and be anxious…

For the Love of Writing

    I sit here, not really knowing what to say. All that comes to mind is this… for many years I have written down every thought, every experience, every emotion and revelation. All with the desire to share them with others. Now that I have a chance, I draw a blank. Words of poetry, words of love, words of anger all flowed from these fingertips. Never to be seen again, hidden away are they. It’s a new season, a time to share. Ashamed, I will not be, for bravery I now carry within. I desire to share my story, for others to see. To let them know they are not alone, to remind them they are human, to let them know imperfection is beauty. After all, there will be no stories to share, if my life was perfect…

-…Heart Of Grace