“If I Begin To Dream Again…”

FREEDOM

Written by:
Stephanie Ann Pequeño
July 14, 2020
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🌸

If I begin to dream again will my reality fade away? If I were to wonder far behind what I can see, would my reality fade away?
Day after day, like a deer in the headlights, am I. I am paralyzed by insecurity and chained down my fears. My head remains downcast; a heavy slam to my soul.
If I begin to dream again will my reality fade away? If I were to wonder far behind what I can see, would my reality fade away?
Who have I become, bedsides courage less. Who have I become, besides one who crumbles under pressure?
I have become a warrior who has seen and felt many things and still rises to fight. I have been made strong through the countless moments of weakness & despair. And after enduring the sting of my foolish acts, I have become more wise.
If I begin to dream again will my reality fade away? If I were to wonder far behind what I can see, would my reality fade away?
Yes, now my eyes can see. For it’s always been You with me. The world ahead is ready for me to grasp the wonders of His plan for me. Though I walk through valleys of shadows, and though the reality stays the same, it is no longer my mine to own.
I look onward; no longer a slave.

14 Romantic Rose Photos - Corel Discovery CenterStory Behind The Poem

After so many silent months, I am finally opening up. This poem came to me as a reminder of the freedom that comes when we begin to dream again. So many things have come to my life that have just suppressed those dreams and goals.

It had left me feeling that I no longer have purpose and so desperate for a way out.

These past few months I have been learning to really let go, dealing with things that were hidden.

This poem is a kind of declaration- a reminder that when we stop looking at our reality and on towards dreams, goals, hopes… freedom begins. It’s also determination to finally rise out of the pit of isolation and really live, again. 

The chains will fall. All doubts will fade. Fear will become an unfamiliar friend. 

 

After the hardships, the setbacks, LOSS and heartbreaks… this remains TRUE:

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”- Romans 8:28

 




Let's Connect! – Clean Wholesome Romance

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Facebook: @TheHeartOfGrace.Blog

Changes

The days have come and they have gone. The one thing that has remained has been Your love for me. Through the ups and through the downs, You never left my side. I have cried and I have laughed, but in those hidden struggles in between, You carried me into things yet unseen. You loved me then, how much more now. You have seen my heart and have heard those silent cries; my heart’s desire is just about to arrive. I thank You now as much as I have then. For I know good things are no longer delayed. Here is to something new as I let go of the old.

Something New

There is something new coming next year. Something new in my personal life. Something new in my walk with God. Something new in all aspects of my life. I reflect on the days still left and I am so amazed on how fast this year has gone. I remember how this year started and how the months went by. From brokenness to healing, all I can say is: “No one, but God.”  

I shared something on Instagram today. Something that I had been feeling for awhile, especially this entire month. This Christmas seemed to be more emotional for me than last year. This year a lot was different. I did not hang up my husband’s stocking… as I felt it was time to let it go and start new. I am letting him go. That was not the only thing that was different this year…

This Christmas started off emotional, but ended blessed.

Guilt set in as I was preparing to spend it with new people in my life. This time my husband’s stocking wasn’t put out. I didn’t know how to feel about that, but I definitely felt his absence again. It was as if reality sank in all over again. 

I am beginning to move on with my life and at times it still stings. I take a pause and ask myself, “is this OK?!” I had found myself talking to Freddy and asking him if this or that was OK. As if I still needed his reassurance. At times it feels like I still do… but I am making progress. 

🌸What I experienced yesterday was worth more than anything materialistic. Days like yesterday are what matter to me most. It was the greatest gift of “time” spent. Memories were created; things that I will cherish.

I got to spend Christmas day with two special people in my life. I was actually there truly enjoying the moment and thinking how, “this is what I want.” It was special to me. I finally felt a part of their, “world.” It is honestly something that I will cherish.

Take His Place

I know the time is coming when that place in my life will be filled. Things have been moving forward and I am just leaving it all in God’s hands. I trust His guidance and plans for my life. All the little things I am doing, the letting go are making way for the new to come and fall into place.

It’s emotional of course, but I know good things are coming.

 


 

I loved him then, I love him now, but soon that love will be transferred completely to the one in my life, giving him is place. 

 


 

Until then I will continue to walk by faith and continue to see further ahead.

The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring.

Isaiah 58:11

 

Comeback

Written by: Stephanie Ann

January 14, 2019

 

“You look at me like I’m some easy target; like a bird with a broken wing, not able to fly. You stare at me & wonder how, how you can ensnare me in your grasp; never to come back up for air. I am not a weakling, though I am crawling. This season will pass; you’ll hear me roaring. I’ll rise like a lioness in the presence of her enemy; never backing down, never surrendering.”

Inspiration

There is a fight within me and I can feel it. Little by little it’s starting to break free. I’ve always been a fighter when things got hard… but I used it in a wrong way. I did more damage than good. This time around, I want this anger to stand for something; to create a change…within me. To no longer back down when things get hard & to no longer run the other way when I feel like it’s too much. 

I want to rise like a lioness and allow this roar within, be heard. I’m getting there. I still have a lot to learn.-Stephanie

Dear Spouses

Don’t take anything for granted. Wives, let your husband caress you and touch you. The day you no longer have that, is when you will be desiring to have it again. Same for the husbands.

Love each other and cherish each other. The days are not promised. Appreciate the time you spend together and never wish you had your own space. When that space is given, yet unwanted, you will be desiring to have them around again.

Never forget that you love each other. Never forget the promises you made to one another. Never forget the good things, but always strive to be better at creating even better things with each other.

Never be satisfied with taking, that you forget to out give one another. You are one. What hurts them should hurt you. What brings them joy should bring you joy.

Above all else, learn to love each other past the flaws, past the mistakes. Forgiveness is key. Above everything else, protect the friendship that first established your relationship. For when you protect that friendship, you protect your marriage.

Never take them for granted. -Stephanie

 

Strong Girl Vibes

Sometimes I catch myself in a certain place, a place that is familiar. There are times I have to remind myself of who I am; in doing so, I pull myself out of the pit I am walking into. It’s like my mind snaps out of the temporary trans. I am awakened again. I cry. I can’t believe how far I was wandering. Then I lean on Him. The one who comforts me and tells me, “you’re never too far gone.” I am dusted off, I am clothed in robes of purity, identity and cleanliness. I am made new.

Saturday Vibes

“Because I am human. I don’t always have it all together. I break down. I become an emotional wreck…then I choose to pick myself up and keep moving forward. I determine myself not to stay where the enemy tries to keep me. I am no longer a prisoner of my emotions, thoughts or the mistakes I make. I have been made free; sometimes it takes me a littler longer to remember that.”-Stephanie

Today is a day where I literally have not gotten out of bed. There is really no desire to do so, but duties call. I don’t feel like myself today. I feel very weak and drained. I haven’t felt like this in awhile.

In all honesty I am a bit emotional. The only thing keeping me, “put together,” is me reaching out to God for what I am needing today.

Strength. Love. Peace. Joy.

 

When There Is Pain, There Is Healing

I have learned time and time again that when I have these episodes, it’s because I am being healed of something, set free from something, or there is something there in my life that I haven’t fully acknowledged. That one thing is coming to the surface, to be exposed by Him, only to be removed and replaced with more of what I am needing from Him.

Yes it hurts, and all I want to do is hide under my blankets, but I can’t. There is true freedom in knowing the truth. Only then can it really set you free. There is freedom in knowing what the underlining problem is. For we cannot fix what we don’t acknowledge is out of order.

Last night I cried. I saw myself trying to be who I was set free from. I cried, because that’s not who I am. I cried out those words. I had to remind myself that the enemy can’t keep me there anymore. But it’s up to me to fight through; which I am.

“I lean on Him when I feel weak. I look to him when I feel like I can’t see where I am going. I run to Him I feel I can no longer walk on my own.”-Stephanie

 

Today’s Play List:

My constant reminders that His love for me, never changes and that I don’t have to be perfect in order to run to God. That he loves me in my brokenness as well as in my put together. 

 

Jordan Feliz- Never Too Far Gone

 

 

Hawk Nelson- Drops In The Ocean

 

We Are Messengers- Magnified

 

Micah Tyler-Never Been A Moment

Trust In Him

The Lord looked at you with favor in His eyes.

As you placed your trust in His hands, He closed His & sealed it with a kiss.

He looked at you with a smile on His face and said aloud, “thank you.”

Written: August 4, 2014
Edited: January 6, 2018

 

Written by: Stephanie Ann Pequeno

Inspired by: Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. 

 

As I go through my poetry, I am reminded of what my heart’s desire really is. My passion for writing is evident through every word I write. My expressions through my writing are far more profound than verbal words could ever express.

I read each word in my poetry and I am immediately taken back to when I wrote it. How real my heart was for God. I have come along way. I can clearly see how much God has delivered me from. I have grown. I am clearly not the same girl as I once was. I write to God, I write for God. It has always been my form of expression; of intimacy with Him.

I miss it. I miss pouring out to Him the deepest parts of my heart.

‘I have trusted Him through it all. Since the day I placed my trust in His hands, He has kept it safe.’ -Stephanie

His Faithfulness

Father, time after time I have seen your unfailing love in my life. Moment after moment, where everything inside me rebeled against your will for my life, your faithfulness remained. I kicked and screamed, demanding my own ways, but You, the one who knows all things  never gave into my fleshly tantrums. I can see clearly now. I can see how good you’ve been and continue to be with me. Though my heart still screams for what the flesh wants, I know it wasn’t for me. I need you, I can’t do this without you. Your faithfulness, you made real to me in more than one way. It was your love for me that kept me from falling into the pit. Your mercy that kept me from ending up alone. Thank you Father, for you know what I need. Your ways are not mine, and your thoughts are not my own. You are my Father, I am our daughter. I have wandered away, thinking that I alone could provide myself with what I needed. I looked in all the wrong places, needed all the wrong people. I kept my heart from needing you, but you made it a point to reach out to me through your servants. You have recaptured my heart, my attention is yours. Guide me, show me, lead me. Forgive my pride and my arrogance. Forgive me for thinking that I knew what was better for me, than you did. My heart is filled with gratitude for how much you love me. -…Heart Of Grace

“You’ve never failed me, yet.”-Elevation Worship

These past few weeks, all I can say have been a learning experience. I have wandered away from God, I have drawn closer, I have been discouraged, and I have been motivated. My emotions have taken a beating, but the one thing that has remained stable and so constant is, God’s faithfulness.

Time after time He has shown me how faithful He is. He’s been there for me when all I wanted to do was walk away from him, to do my own thing; to walk down a dark path where all my fleshly desires would have been fulfilled. For at that time, I didn’t stop to think about all the consequences that I would have faced at the end of that road.

He sees all things, He sees the future. He knows what is to come… because of that He stopped me. I was running into His mighty hand. While He was pushing me back, protecting me from the pit I was about to fall into, I, on the other side was pushing, fighting trying to move forward with my own plans.

“We will never over power God. Though He is a gentleman and allows us our freewill, He is also a parent who will not allow their children to fall.”-Stephanie

I have experienced this first hand, time and time again. These past few weeks, I have seen His faithfulness more clearly. It’s been a powerful revelation for my life. My eyes were opened, to see what I have. To see the good things; relationships, friendships, my husband… the one who’s been there for me through all of this. Though I made mistakes, he still remains by my side. I see God’s faithfulness through my husband’s love for me.

How can I not acknowledge God for all of this? I know He loves me. I know He has great things for me. I see it so clear, now.

“I am pleased because you have chosen to hear my voice. I am pleased because you have decided to obey me. A glorious door is about to be opened, one that you didn’t imagine would be so close to opening.”-God

I have chosen to listen to my Father’s voice, over my own desires. I have chosen to obey my Father, rather than seek out my own plans.

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.-John 10:27

Yes, it’s still hard to let go of what the flesh wants, but I know it’s for the best that I do. I am doing my best to let go. Some days are easier than others, but like a plant that withers and dies without food, so will these temptations, these fleshly desires. I have not given into them, so soon they will just wither and die.

God is greater, His faithfulness is true.

What He’s done before, He will do again, again and again.

 

Encouragement:

Understand, therefore, that the LORD your God is indeed God. He is the faithful God who keeps his covenant for a thousand generations and lavishes his unfailing love on those who love him and obey his commands.- Deuteronomy 7:9

 

 

Do It Again-Elevation Worship

Walking around these walls
I thought by now they’d fall
But You have never failed me yet
Waiting for change to come
Knowing the battle’s won
For You have never failed me yet

Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness
I’m still in Your hands
This is my confidence, You’ve never failed me yet

I know the night won’t last
Your Word will come to pass
My heart will sing Your praise again
Jesus, You’re still enough
Keep me within Your love
My heart will sing Your praise again

Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness
I’m still in Your hands
This is my confidence, You never failed

Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness
I’m still in Your hands
This is my confidence, You never failed me yet

I’ve seen You move, come move the mountains
And I believe, I’ll see You do it again
You made a way, where there was no way
And I believe, I’ll see You do it again

I’ve seen You move, come move the mountains
And I believe, I’ll see You do it again
You made a way, where there was no way
And I believe, I’ll see You do it again

I’ve seen You move, come move the mountains
And I believe, I’ll see You do it again
You made a way, where there was no way
And I believe, I’ll see You do it again

I’ll see You do it again
Oh-oh

Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness
I’m still in Your hands
This is my confidence, You never failed

Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness
I’m still in Your hands
This is my confidence, You never failed me yet

And You never failed me yet
I never will forget
You never failed me yet
And I never will forget

Forever Free

Life takes many shapes. Fears mold us into things we are not, fitting in, hiding who we are. On the outside we appear to be something, that our hearts know we’re not. Who can save us, who can set us free? His name is Jesus. Who’s identity leads us to break free, exposing who we’re meant to be.  Forever Free. 

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Poem written by Stephanie Ann Pequeno

February 11, 2015

No Longer Isolated

There are days, like today, that I find myself struggling to hold on to you. I am overwhelmed with so many emotions. I feel sadness, I feel alone, I feel like I am slipping away. In the morning I rose, in my heart a song. My heart, my soul could not rest until I played it, and again. My many mistakes cause me to push myself further away from you. Though you constantly remind me of your unfailing love and amazing grace, I still feel ashamed. Distorting the image of how you see me, I start to feel unworthy. I just fall on my knees, in surrender. My heart cries out to you, ‘I need you.’- …Heart of Grace

It is one of those days, where I wake up and a certain song is playing in my mind. I cannot rest, or I do not feel right unless I listen to it. I have learned that it’s God’s way of comforting me, or simply reminding me that He is thinking of me and wants me to acknowledge Him.

The days have seemed so long. It seems like, as the days go by, further away I become. So many things happening, life is happening. Struggles occur, but the last thing I do is run to the one who can bring me peace.

Ever done something that leaves you feeling so unworthy, ashamed, making you want to hide?

I have, many times. I beat myself up about it for awhile. I try to “hide” from God,  I try to isolate myself from everybody. I am afraid of them seeing me in my error. As though they might “judge” me or think less of me.

When an enemy desires to strike you down, they will always try to catch you alone, not when you’re surrounded by people who love you. So what better way to do that, than with isolation. -Stephanie

I have been here before, in a place of isolation, surrounded by a wall that I, myself have built up. I thought it was my way of protecting myself, but then I realized it was actually locking me inside, alone with the one that torments, the one that strikes the mind with lies.

Isolation is never a good thing. While we think we are trying to protect ourselves, what we are actually doing is making ourselves even more vulnerable to what is already tormenting us; shame, guilt, depression, sadness…etc. Those are enemies, the very things that try to catch us alone. I have struggled for years with these, and it wasn’t until I realized what I was doing that I broke free from those walls of isolation.

I realized there was a God who loved me regardless of what I have done. There were people there for me, who saw me for me, not the things I have done. That’s the power of love. Real love.

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.-Ecclesiastes 4:12

If you struggle with isolation, please know that you’re not alone. There are people who understand what you’re going through, people who have been where you are. There is a God who sees all and knows your deepest cries, who has seen ever single tear. He extends his hand to lift you up, out of those walls of isolation.

You are courageous. You are brave. You are loved. You are more than what you feel, or think. You’re beautiful. You are cherished. You are a warrior.

Remember that, the next time the enemy tries to isolate you. It cannot mess with someone who knows who they are and what they are capable of. – Stephanie ❤

Calm, In The Storm

In the midst of chaos, you’re the only stable thing. You calm what’s raging within, in perfect peace I’m in. Through the night, restless I became, but never far away were you. You held me close, you comforted my heart and reminded me that when the morning comes, joy will be restored.-…Heart of Grace

Inspired by a sleepless night & the experience it was.

calm-before-the-storm

Quote by: Stephanie A. Hernandez

“Though it was rough, the all surpassing peace over powered the storm. In the morning (when I woke up) the joy was restored. I woke up feeling strengthened, though I didn’t have much sleep. I was no longer in pain.”

God is the God of all comfort. His promise is; “Though sorrow lasts through the night, joy will come in the morning.”

No matter what you may be facing know that it is not the end, for the light shines brighter after the storm. It’s always calm, after the storm. -…Heart of Grace

Be strengthened in knowing that you’re not alone in what you’re going through. People may leave you, but the One who LOVES you, is always there.  ❤